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September 22 2002
I was approached by Matt, a 16yo high school student from
California. He's doing some kind of project for a Psychology class. Since
when do they have Psychology classes in high school? I digress. His project
entailed him picking 10 diverse persons and asking them each the same questions.
As you read, you can also listen to one of the forgotten instrumental
classics of the 80s:
'Emotional
Disguise' by Peter Godwin
..I know you're busy but I admire you and would appreciate hearing
back from you even if you can't answer the questions.
First of all, Matt, you are a fool for admiring me. I am at best
someone who ought to be pummeled and at worst, someone who ought to be
kicked and pummeled. There is nothing to admire here. You may as well
admire a void or an empty stomach, as so many models do. But onto your
questions.
What is the first thing you do
in the morning?
Go home.
What is the last bad thing that
has happened to you?
It hurts to share something you love with people
who pay only slight, derisive attention. But, whatever. I often find that
my opinion sticks out like a boner at Meow Mix. I like my boners just the
same.
What is your greatest fear?
I'd rather you not know exactly. Excruciophobia is my word
for it but its not fear of 'pain' exactly. Lets say that I fear Mindy Cohn.
Do you believe in God?
Let me answer you with a question: if bad things
happen for a reason and are just part of God's plan, as God-fearers believe;
then why do we work so hard to prevent bad things from happening? If bad
things are part of God's plan, why fight them? Aren't we then fighting
God's will?
I'm not talking about 'free will'; sure bad humans can allegedly
go to 'hell' for their actions but we also fight natural malignancies
all the time. Why not let floods destroy cities, drought to ruin crops,
and disease to claim its victims? Its all part of God's plan, after all.
Or is it only part of God's plan when we fail?
Godlovers are the first in line to excuse 'God' for failures but
the human world is more moral than 'His'. Even if God did exist, humans
are more moral than God; we (mostly) try to prevent evil; in the natural
world, destruction happens consistently and naturally without punishment
or deterrence.. except by us.
The only way I could believe in God is if God were defined to be
the most powerful being in the universe. There must be a being in the
universe that is the most powerful being in the universe. Could this
thing be called 'God'? Even if so, there is no evidence that this being
created us or has anything to do with us and so certainly it isn't 'God'
in the religious sense. Furthermore I don't believe that the most powerful
being in the universe would be perfect and because it is not, it is not
worthy of my worship. It can blow me. I await eagerly.
Seeking out the most powerful being in the universe for its answers
(and/or blowjobs) will someday be a quest for man or man's derivatives.
I definitely don't believe in Jesus, Buddha, Muhammed, Elvis, or
any other gods created by people, except for maybe Madonna circa 1989-1992.
What is the meaning of life?
Well first one must understand that we have no free will. Free will
is an illusion, gladly and understandably accepted because we only live
in 3 dimensions. I believe that the past and present are part of a future
that has already been physically created.
Everything that has happened or will happen has already happened,
so to speak. That we perceive it as a slow march forward inclusive of
independent thought is simply a byproduct of physics and our atomic makeup.
I'd hate to sound pretentious or worse, like I've been smoking pot
and listening to Pink Floyd, because it's Zeppelin. Actually I abhor
the pretensions of others while forgiving them in myself even though I
am admittedly a delusional freak who thinks/knows he's a robot.
Anyhoo - the meaning of the universe. I don't believe that any of
our individual lives have meaning, but I do believe that the universe must
have a meaning, or at the very least, a reason. That said I suspect that
the reason the universe exists would be physically incomprehensible. I don't
even understand string theory or how my VCR works. How could I understand
the meaning of the universe? No wonder I am always so merrily furious.
Luckily future humans or human-spawned intelligences will have bigger
minds than we do.
What is the last good thing that
has happened to you?
I spent the day with a cute boy.
What is the last thing you do at
night?
Adjust the 'no choking' sign above my bed.
Lastly Matt let me just remind you that I am just an illusion. Nothing
I say should ever be taken seriously.
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