The House of Diabolique meets Queer As Folk

'Sexy Boy' by Kinky Boyz

I go to --------- (a mostly straight club) on Friday night with my friend Janine, and in the short line getting in we run into a 20yo kid from Jersey. He's short and Italian with a smooth baby face and a healthy little body .

He's hot and nothing but. Well, maybe boyish too. Boyish and hot. He's the type who'd be eaten alive at Kurfew, especially since he reeks of straight Jersey skater boy realness. He's even a little macho and that makes his boyishness even cuter.

But the kid doesn't fly my airline so I give Janine room to butter him up. Conversation is somewhat limited to how boring his life in Jersey is. I would have guessed. Once inside we part ways.

But soon enough I notice him hovering. Janine does too and begins dancing suggestively. I sit myself in front of a speaker to relax. A few songs later Janine reports back how happy the little one is that she danced with him and that his E just hit. I look over and he smiles.

I take a walk around and suddenly he's on me. He says:

'Can I ask you something?'

'Of course.'

'OK uh... come over here..'

He grabs my arm and drags me to the corner. I'm thinking he wants to fuck Janine (who doesn't).. but why would he need me in the corner for that?

'I have a really, really weird question.'

He's sweaty.

'Go ahead, nothing is weird.'

'OK, um. Can I kiss you?'

Oooh, and his smile. So enticing.

I have flashbacks to my days with the kids at Limelight and Tunnel. Poor Jersey boy has no idea just how not-weird his question really is.

Yum, anyway.

'Sure.'

I give him a taste and he trembles either from the kiss or the E. The kiss is hot because he's hot but besides that he's a disappointingly bad kisser.

'You're a good kisser.'

'I know.'

He tells me his story and it's common to the E-induced bisexual virgin: He loves fucking girls but sometimes he sees a guy and he's incredibly curious. He doesn't want a relationship with a guy. Just sex. He even has a girlfriend. I see her picture in his wallet. She's very Saved by the Bell. No wonder he wants me.

'Can I kiss you again?'

Someone has to teach him.

'Sure,' I say. 'Next time don't ask. Its hotter if you just do it.'

I get another wimpy kiss.

Maybe he's nervous.

'Have you ever been with a guy before?'

He tells me he was raped by a guy when he was 15.

Oh boy! The last thing I want is an Oprah moment about this kid's rape.

'What makes you want to be with a guy if your only experience with a guy was forced on you?'

'Have you ever seen Queer as Folk ?'

I haven't but I know all about it.

'There's something about the gay lifestyle that really appeals to me.'

Amazing that he thinks Queer as Folk is representative of the gay lifestyle.

'So you want to be really hedonistic and do lots of drugs and dance shirtless and fuck everyone in sight like gay guys do?'

'YES! Basically I wana be a slut.. I'm horny all of the time.. the thought really appeals to me.'

What do you know?

Turns out the religious right is right. Shows like Queer as Folk really DO recruit young kids into homosexuality.

Thank you Showtime for this gift.

'But its weird. Everything appeals to me about the gay lifestyle except.. actually fucking.'

'You mean you want blowjobs and everything else but no ass fucking?'

'Yeah..'

'Well, a lot of guys are like that... at first.'

He's trembling and star struck and rubbing my hand.

'I've never admitted any of this to anyone before!'

I need to get to the bottom of his kissing style.

'When you picture yourself with a guy, do you imagine yourself as the aggressive one, or do you imagine yourself being dominated?'

'I love girls, and when I'm with girls, I like to be the aggressive one.. but with a guy, ya see, I kinda picture myself being dominated.'

My eyebrow is arching involuntarily. I grab the back of his head and give it to him rough. Its working for me this time. I stop when I've had my fill.

He mutters:

'See now girls don't kiss like that. You're a great kisser.'

'I know.'

Guys love cocky guys, and they can't tell if you're faking it.

'Can I ask you one more question?'

'Sure.'

'Can I give you my first blowjob?'

I'm not in the business of taking full advantage of fucked up 20yo bisexual virgins... am I?

Here's an ultra-cheesy Queer as Folk anthem. Maybe it had a part in his conversion.

'Use It Up, Wear It Out' by Indigo

If you're a gorgeous young straight male I warn against playing this song loud. Whatever you do, do not remove your shirt or shake your ass to it, especially not with a smile on your face. That harmless smile could turn into a wannabe cocksucking grin without warning.

Queer as Folk. Good for something. Who knew?

until next week, remember.. when you dance, we are a part of what you feel.

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