05.21.00

'Flash' by Green Velvet

One can hardly imagine a better remix of 'Flash', and how Danny conjures up all those perfect, unique percussive noises is still a mystery. Definitely one of the best mixes of the year, so far.

I am now free of Hollywood and as is tradition, will now share with you all of the enthralling gossip I learned while in the cold grip of Hollywood's indentured servitude.

First up: Kevin Spacey is gay. Most of us have heard this already. But what many of us don't know is that while on the set of The Usual Suspects , director Bryan Singer (also gay) walked in on his boyfriend and Kevin having sex in his trailer.

The woman Kevin brought to the Oscars (his beard) was actually the makeup person on The Big Kahuna; and, all of Kevin's assistants happen to be young pretty boy types who's services include more than simple errands and phone-calling. Kevin, so I'm told, is quite the voyeur, AND exhibitionist.

Next up - Diana Ross and Brandy. The set of their TV movie together was tense, and everyone (including Brandy) had to call Diana "Miss Ross".

If I were ever forced to address Diana as "Miss Ross" then she's have to address me as Miss Diabolique!

In any case, on the first day of shooting, Diana decided to wear a huge red (orange if you will) wig, as opposed to the more natural (and tired) brown one she usually sports. The red one looked clowny and ridiculous, but no one was brave enough to tell her.

Diana had to do a scene where she is being walked into a building with her movie publicist, and the actress playing the publicist had red hair in much the same style as Diana's ridiculous wig. Diana threw a fit and demanded that the woman's hair be darkened with shoe polish. The women refused and eventually conceded to wearing a turban for the scene. But the next day, Diana's wig proved to look so ridiculous in the dailies, that she was forced to switch to the normal color, and the first day of shooting was trashed.

During Diana's concert scenes, the prop department had to spend five hours with Diana setting twelve fans just right - each aimed at a different section of her huge wig.

Brandy, I'm told, is a spoiled rich bitch who feels entitled to everything she has; no surprise there. Furthermore, off-set she talked like a rich little white girl, but around fans or on camera, she suddenly became "street".

Is there no end to the depravity of Hollywood!

I continue now, with the film version of Charlie's Angels. Apparently a chubby and growing Drew Barrymore, who is producing the film, agreed back in November of last year to shed 20 pounds before shooting began. The Angels, you see, were to be clothed in the latest skin tight fashions from Dolce & Gabbana. But, on the first day of test shooting she hadn't lost 20 pounds; in fact she had gained! I'm told she looked downright fat and goofy, especially compared to the tall, leggy, and equally bitchy Cameron Diaz, who's star power got the stylist fired - despite being fitted with the latest in expensive French couture. Word is that Diaz is a rotten bitch all around.

Next up - Russell Crowe, star of the bloated Gladiator.

He is apparently a fat, drunken pig. In Australia he leered at some girl and then proceeded to pick a fight with her boyfriend, biting a chunk out of his neck in the process - and this all, allegedly, is on videotape.

At a pre-Oscar party, he got drunk and started groping has-been waif Winona Ryder, putting his hand down her shirt before she slapped him.

And lastly:

Jonathan Taylor Thomas is most definitely gay despite his public rants otherwise.

Oh, the decadence of Hollywood!

But I am free now and so will celebrate with a semi-underground club hit from the 80s. It is pure happiness and joy in the form of a fat black woman singing her heart out. For the kids out there who aren't familiar - hear it, learn it, love it:

'Somebody Else's Guy' by Jocelyn Brown

And now, onto our questions of the week. The first was part six of a eight part question posed by a very curious young lad:

6) Why DJs would like to do underground tracks rather then commercial ones

Lets be honest. Most DJs would secretly love their underground tracks to become big commercial hits. Of course, once this happens, the underground track loses all of its respect because other underground producers get jealous and start whining about how they'll never sell out and blah blah blah.

Its really the same with any popular art form. Once something 'cool' and underground is popular, it isn't cool and underground anymore. So this is why many producers want to remain underground. And lets face it, most popular music is cheesy trash, so being popular alongside can easily be read as a sign of weakness.

On that note, our last song selection for the week is an 'underground' track now being played on KTU here in NYC. Quite surprising. Luckily I don't listen to the radio very often so I won't get sick of it as they play it into the ground ala Deborah Cox's 'Things Just Ain't The Same':

'Zombie Nation' by Kernkraft 400

Our final question of the day inexplicably comes from a 13 year old boy in Tallahassee, Florida. He asks:

What is your favorite boy band...

I am going to try and answer this question without even a shred of irony.

N'Sync.

His followup question is:

..and who is the cutest member?

I must dignify the thoughts of my 13-year old audience.  So forgive me as I write:

I'd fuck Nick of the Backstreet Boys over Justin of N'Sync - but I'd let Justin blow me.

Those who have posed questions not yet answered - fear not! Your day will come.

and until next week, remember...
when you dance, we are a part of what you feel.

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