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Join us as we thrust into house music...
08.19.01
08.19.01
There is a citywide, Guliani-lead effort to destroy dance culture.
In addition to the government pressure that has lead Peter Gatien to auction off both Limelight and Tunnel, the city has also closed Twilo and routinely raids other clubs as well. As for smaller venues, Giulianiapplies a Prohibition-Era city law that prohibits dancing in unlicensed establishments allowing him to fine or shut down bars and small clubs at will if patrons are simply moving their bodies in a certain way.
Dancing, along with glowsticks and baby pacifiers, is seen as evidence of crime and drug use.
As for the alleged illegal activities that take place at some venues, thereby justifying their closure, do we shut down the stock market if a broker is caught using cocaine? Do we close Yankee Stadium and arrest team-owners if an underage fan is caught drinking? Of course not. But dance venues aren't afforded the same rights.
When dancing is outlawed, dancing becomes a political act. Or as the NRA might say, if dancing is outlawed, only outlaws will dance.
'Safety Dance' by Men Without Hats
Let it never be said however that the issues I present are biased and one-sided. To be fair, here is the opposing viewpoint, brought to you by Mayor Rudolph Giuliani and S.M.A.K.D.: Sober Mothers Against Kids Dancing. I now turn this webpage over to them.
Mayor Rudolph Giuliani
&
present:
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Some peeps even call it 'candyflipping', 'snowballing', or 'sucking the glass cock'. For real, yo! |
- Once you start dancing, its really hard to stop!
- The risk of sleeping late is 100 times greater for dancers than for nondancers. That's what you call a BAD risk!
- Boys are twenty times more likely to be gay if they dance. And gay people get AIDS!
- Record companies spend more than 200 billion dollars a year to convince you that dancing is 'cool' - but we think you can make up your own mind!
- There is no mention of Jesus ever dancing in the Bible.
- Girls are five times more likely to perform oral sex after dancing.
So why do kids still choose to dance??
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- sweating profusely (that means a lot!) - bottled water - glowsticks - cool clothes & a nice haircut - exceptionally good in bed |
Yo, if you know a kid who's like that, tell their parents 'cause its bogus!-
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Here's my tip of the week: if someone asks YOU to dance, just say "NO I'd rather just chill!" And watch for my new cartoon because I'm gona 'edutain' you with lots of fun adventures about not dancing! |
Ch 7/ABC Sat 10am |
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What's your Anti-Dance? The passion, hobby, sport or interest that keeps you away from dancing. And, check out the Anti-Dances of your favorite celebs! Former dancer Christina Aguilera has a lot
to say about dancing. Although it looks like dressing like a whore is her
anti-dance, its really Jesus!
- Whitney Houston has never danced, but was unable to tell us exactly what her anti-dance was! -
- And this is Jamal. He's just like you!
Beating off isn't something we advise; but it sure beats dancing! - |
Lets get the low-down on dancing!
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| Where did dancing come from? | Scientists say that dancing was invented by Haitians, urban gay men, and intravenous drug users. |
| What does dancing
do?
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Dancing's effects on the brain include feelings of freedom, excitement, bliss, independent thought and sometimes even sexual stimulation! No wonder its so popular - but its effects can kill! |
| Who dances? | People from all walks of life dance, including
kids like you on the DL (Down-Low). Studies have shown that 82% of teenagers 13-18 have tried dancing at least once in the past 6 months! That's wack! |
| Do black people dance better than white people? | With the exceptions of Whitney Houston, Oprah, and Puff Daddy - yes! But more and more suburban white kids are getting into this dangerous trend that used to be confined safely to the ghetto. |
| What does dancing look like? | Most often, dancing looks something
like this:
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I remember the feeling I had the first time
I danced: complete and utter bliss. I could feel the pulse of the universe;
I let every breath, touch and molecule move my soul. It was as if I had unlocked
some sort of secret world; it was as if I'd found heaven.
But dancing took my strength, my motivation, my dreams, my friends, my apartment, my money, my cherry and most of all, my sanity.
Dancing ruined my life. |
- Clean your room
- Study the Bible
- Pick up litter
- Listen to rock music
- Kiss a parent (somewhere appropriate)
- Go ice fishing
- Memorize Luna-Kat's rap! (But don't dance to it!)
Dance, are you jokin'? I'd rather be chokin'!
I'm saving my brain for drinking beer and sitting
around!
Dance, are you crazy? I'd rather be lazy!
Winners love to stand around motionlessly or play
pool!
Go spread your dance infection
Some other direction cuz only homos dance!
I don't blow guys,
I'd rather blow up a balloon instead!
Hey kids! Get SMAKD up!
Well, I'd like to thank Giuliani and S.M.A.K.D. for talking to us in a language we can understand. I know that I for one will not be dancing again now that I know the truth.
'We Have The House Surrounded' by the Columbian Drug Cartel
'The Politics of Dancing' by the Reflex
until next week remember..
when you dance, we are a part of what you feel.
Real Audio is required to hear
anything.
I was a straight A student but after dancing
one night for only 20 minutes, I went on a 5 state church-burning spree that
culminated in an orgy with two Boy Scout troops. It was the best sex I ever
had. I fucking loved it.