I've been away from you for too long now and I apologize but cancer is not for sissies.

People refer to it as my "battle" against cancer. But I am not battling cancer; I can only endure the horrors as modern medicine battles for me. It is not so much my battle against cancer as it is my battle to remain sane.

I've lost a lot of weight and all of the hair on my body including my eyelashes and eyebrows. I have never felt as weak as I do now, nor did I ever imagine it would be possible to feel this weak for so long and still be kicking.

Such is my mood tonight, the night before my last chemotherapy session. I will be back in the hospital starting tomorrow for at least another week or two while the chemo destroys me.

After, I will be tested to see if the cancer remains; if it does not then I have won; if it does, then the weary fight will continue in a much more severe way.

I have never felt this weak or isolated and because of what awaits me tomorrow I find I'm afraid to go to sleep tonight.

From 1993:

'Fragile' by LSG

until next time, remember..
when you dance, we are a part of what you feel.

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