The House of Diabolique vs. Afghanistan: Filthy, Glorious, Western Freedom

Join us as we thrust into house music...

10.07.01

Darlings I write this in front of three turntables on an airship floating 10 miles above Kabul.

Under my direction, JBL in association with Bose, Sony, and United Airlines have installed the world's first country-wide, airborne Phazon sound system. 600 football field wide woofers and tweeters hover in the Afghan sky.

This sound system allows us to saturate Afghanistan with pounding beats and throbbing bass. Not even the remotest cave in the deepest valley can escape our aural onslaught. Our sounds permeate the country and shake even the deepest caves that Osama Bin Laden hides in.

We do this because the Taliban, in addition to banning television and film from their country, have also banned music.

The House of Diabolique brings it back.

Our 'attack' began last night at 8pm. After considering Bin Laden's many complaints against our decadent, secular ways I decided to begin with something sensitive to the Islamic religion and other cultural mores to gently ease the Afghan populace back into music. I invited my lieutenant, Sweet Pussy Pauline, to address their nation.

'Sweet Pussy Pauline' by Sweet Pussy Pauline

Her voice rang out through the valleys, mountains and caves of Afghanistan bringing untold horror to Al Queda and waves of what looked like shock but may have been joy to everyone else.

Next I considered the plight of Afghanistan's women. Afghan women are perhaps the least free people on the planet. They are kept covered and routinely raped, beaten, maimed and even publicly murdered in the name of whatever rough God the Taliban believes in.

But pussy is to be worshipped, not denigrated.

I served them this in order to give an impression of the glory that comes from being a liberated woman and in hopes that weapons would be dropped and cunnilingus would ensue:

'How Many Licks' by Lil Kim

By now the terrorists had panicked. It became apparent that they might cut the ears off anyone who was enjoying Radio Free Diabolique and so daring actions became necessary.

I dispatched an elite BWP force - Bytches wit Problems - to the ground. Their mission was to kidnap Osama Bin Laden and bring him back to the ship, which they did. HoD doctors from Sweden gave Osama a sex change operation and then we sent him back down to endure life as a woman in Afghanistan until an ignominious, painful death.

Upon noticing that his (now her) humiliation also included heavy menstruation, I instructed the Bytches wit Problems to rap live over our sound system:

'Cotex' by Bytches wit Problems

This sent all Islamic fundamentalists into narcoleptic shock, at which point many women and sympathetic men could be seen slitting their utterly deserving throats.

Our transmission continued all night. At 3am a delegation from Amsterdam dropped humanitarian aid (ecstasy) into the major cities. And as dawn broke, I decided on a romantic ditty designed to ease the Afghan people into the light and hope of a brand new day.

A day of freedom.

'Is The Pussy Still Good?' by Bytches wit Problems

Filthy, glorious, Western freedom.

until next week remember..

when you dance, we are a part of what you feel.